Why Narcissists Often Choose You

The Childhood Patterns Behind Empathic Adults

Have you ever asked yourself:
Why do I always attract narcissists?
Why do I stay in relationships where I give more than I get?
Why do I feel guilty for setting boundaries—or even having needs?

In my work as a hypnotherapist, I’ve seen a recurring theme: adults who find themselves entangled in narcissistic relationships often carry subconscious beliefs rooted in childhood. These beliefs aren't weakness—they're adaptations. Learned responses to an emotional environment that required them to survive by becoming hyper-aware, overly giving, or conflict avoidant.

The “Good Child” Blueprint

If you grew up with:

• A parent whose love was conditional

• A home where emotions were minimized or punished

• A caregiver with unpredictable moods or chronic stress

• A role as the peacemaker, the golden child, or the emotional sponge

…you may have learned early on to read the room before you spoke, to please others to feel safe, or to shrink your needs so others wouldn’t leave.

Narcissists are often drawn to this—because it works. You regulate, repair, and re-center the relationship without them having to grow or take responsibility.

It’s Not Your Fault—But It Is a Pattern

You didn’t choose this dynamic with your logical mind. These patterns live in the subconscious. That’s where they were formed—so that’s where true change begins.

In sessions, clients often realize their adult relationships are emotional reenactments of childhood roles. Once we access and reframe those early emotional imprints, people start responding differently—automatically. Not out of fear or programming, but from a grounded sense of worth.

From Invisible to Empowered

When you understand how childhood taught your nervous system to prioritize others’ needs above your own, you can start rewriting that contract.

You are allowed to take up space.
You are allowed to say no.
You are allowed to stop fixing, saving, and explaining.

“Your sensitivity isn’t the problem—it’s your superpower. But it needs boundaries to become your strength”

And those boundaries begin when you remember: you were never too much. You were just trying to be enough for people who didn’t know how to love you the way you needed.

Thank you for reading!

Visit https://www.danieldellano.com/cutting-bonds-with-the-narcissist