How to Win the Narcissist’s Games
If you’ve ever found yourself in a psychological tug-of-war with a narcissist, you know the rules are always changing—and the game is rigged.
You defend yourself, they twist your words. You pull away, they bait you back in. You try to bring clarity, and suddenly you’re the problem.
So the question is:
How do you win a game designed to make you lose?
The Narcissist's Playbook
Narcissistic dynamics often involve strategies designed to pull you into a loop of confusion, emotional instability, and self-doubt. Some of the most common tactics include:
Gaslighting: Convincing you that your version of reality is false
Triangulation: Bringing in third parties to spark jealousy or competition
Projection: Accusing you of the very things they are doing
Hoovering: Sucking you back in with guilt, charm, or crisis
Love-bombing and Devaluation: Overwhelming affection, then cold detachment
These aren’t just random behaviors. They are intentional patterns meant to elicit a reaction—so the narcissist can confirm their power and feed their need for control.
Why Reacting Is Exactly What They Want
Here’s what happens every time you engage:
They collect data: Your reactions reveal what matters to you, what wounds they can push, and what buttons they can press next time.
They confirm their significance: If you’re angry, hurt, or desperate, they feel validated—they still matter.
They reassert control: Every emotional outburst, tearful explanation, or attempt to set the record straight feeds the illusion that they are the center of your world.
In their mind:
Your insecurity is their security.
Your security is their threat.
They don’t necessarily want resolution—they want to watch you unravel. And the more you try to “win” with logic, proof, or emotion, the more entangled you become.
The Endless Cycle
The game is never about truth, fairness, or resolution. It’s about emotional dominance.
You’ll find yourself:
Explaining yourself repeatedly
Apologizing for things you didn’t do
Trying to prove your worth
Feeling drained, confused, or even ashamed
Pleading for the bare minimum
And worst of all—you may start to lose sight of who you are.
So… How Do You Win?
Here’s the truth most people don’t want to hear—
You win by not playing.
And that doesn’t mean pretending nothing happened. It means fully understanding this:
A narcissist feeds off your reaction.
When you stop responding, stop explaining, stop seeking closure—they lose their supply. It’s like oxygen to a fire.
No reaction means:
No emotional supply
No new information to weaponize
No validation that they still hold power over you
In short, you starve the system.
Why not Engaging Works (and Feels So Hard)
Not engaging means you're done. It’s like the “Level Pro” inside this painful dinamic. But…
…it can feel incredibly counterintuitive—especially if you grew up needing to "fix" things, keep the peace, or earn love through emotional labor.
That’s why part of the healing process is working at the subconscious level—to release those old survival programs that make silence feel unsafe.
In my sessions, we work with the deeper emotional wiring to help you reclaim your inner authority, so that disengaging feels like power—not punishment.
The narcissist wins every time you react, explain, defend, or try to be understood by someone committed to misunderstanding you.
But the moment you stop engaging—the moment you stop trying to prove, explain, or fix—is the moment you win.
Because nothing terrifies a narcissist more than being irrelevant.
And your silence?
It’s Power.
Thank you for reading!
Visit https://www.danieldellano.com/cutting-bonds-with-the-narcissist
