Triangulation: The Narcissist’s Favorite Game (and How to Stop Playing It)
If you’ve ever been caught in a relationship where someone constantly compared you to others or turned people against each other—chances are, you’ve experienced triangulation.
This dynamic is one of the most subtle yet powerful forms of manipulation. And it’s often so normalized that people don’t even realize it’s happening—until they feel emotionally drained, insecure, or disconnected from themselves.
What Is Triangulation?
Triangulation happens when a person brings a third party—real or imagined—into a two-person interaction to create power imbalance, divide and conquer, or avoid accountability.
It might sound like:
“Your sister never gave me this kind of attitude.”
“People at work are saying things about how you acted.”
“My friends think you’re being too emotional.”
The aim is not resolution—it’s control. And the impact is emotional fragmentation: you start second-guessing your memory, your feelings, even your worth.
Why It Hooks So Deep
Triangulation lands especially hard on people who:
Grew up in emotionally inconsistent homes
Were compared to siblings or others
Had to perform or stay quiet to be accepted
Developed people-pleasing behaviors to stay safe
Subconsciously, triangulation echoes an old emotional contract:
"If I prove myself, I’ll finally be safe or chosen."
In sessions, we explore how and where this contract was signed—often in childhood—and begin rewriting it.
The Cycle
You try to prove your worth
They offer crumbs of validation
You stay trapped, chasing approval
But here’s the truth:
You were never meant to compete.You were meant to feel seen, safe, and valued.
How to Step Out of the Triangle
Notice the Pattern: Awareness breaks the trance
Stop Competing: Refuse to play the game
Claim Your Voice: Speak from grounded clarity
Explore the Roots: Understand why this dynamic felt familiar
In my work, I help clients connect with the subconscious stories keeping these patterns alive—so they can consciously choose new ones.
“Triangulation thrives in self-doubt. But you are not a pawn.
You are a person—with needs, clarity, and the right to emotional safety”
Thank you for reading!
Visit https://www.danieldellano.com/cutting-bonds-with-the-narcissist
