Gaslighting: The Subtle Art of Making You Doubt Yourself
Gaslighting is one of the narcissist’s most insidious tools. It’s not just lying. It’s psychological manipulation designed to make you question your memory, your perception, and even your sanity.
The goal? Control.
If you’ve ever felt confused in a relationship—constantly second-guessing yourself, apologizing without knowing why, or feeling like you’re the problem—you may have been gaslit.
Let’s break it down.
What Is Gaslighting?
Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse in which someone systematically distorts reality to erode your trust in your own mind.
It’s not always dramatic. In fact, it’s usually subtle. It starts with tiny denials:
“I never said that.”
“You’re overreacting.”
“You’re imagining things.”
Over time, these statements chip away at your sense of truth.
You begin to doubt yourself, to rely on them to define what’s real.
And that’s exactly the point.
Gaslighting and the Subconscious Mind
Gaslighting hijacks your nervous system. If you grew up in a home where love was conditional or boundaries were blurry, you may already be wired to doubt your own needs and perceptions.
In hypnotherapy, I often see that what feels like "confusion" in the present is actually a resurfacing of childhood survival strategies—like fawning, people-pleasing, or self-abandonment.
The narcissist doesn’t “create” these tendencies.
They exploit them.
Common Gaslighting Phrases and Tactics
These aren't just one-offs—they're patterns:
Denial of Facts: “That never happened.”
Minimizing Feelings: “You’re too sensitive.”
Rewriting History: “You always twist what I say.”
Projection: “You’re the one being manipulative.” (Read the full post about this type of gaslighting now available on the blog)
Blame Shifting: “If you weren’t so difficult, I wouldn’t act this way.”
Sometimes, the narcissist will even do something harmful—then later claim you did it. Over time, this creates a fog where you no longer trust your own reality.
The Gaslighting Cycle
You notice something feels off.
You bring it up.
They deny it or turn it on you.
You feel confused and self-critical.
You apologize or back down.
They regain control.
Rinse and repeat.
Each time you surrender your version of reality, the gaslighter gains more power—and you lose a little more of yourself.
How to Break the Spell
Breaking free from gaslighting starts with one word: validation. Not from the narcissist, but from yourself.
Keep a journal. Document conversations and events. This is your reality check.
Talk to someone safe. An outside perspective can help you see the distortion.
Set boundaries. Even if they push back, your boundaries matter.
Trust your gut. If something feels wrong, it usually is.
Rewire the pattern. Through subconscious work, we can reprogram the inner belief that “I must be wrong” or “I have to earn love by being agreeable.”
In sessions, I help clients reconnect with their inner compass. Because the most powerful antidote to gaslighting is trusting yourself again.
Gaslighting doesn’t just make you question facts—it makes you question yourself.
And healing from it isn’t about proving them wrong.
It’s about remembering that you were right all along.
Your perception is valid.
Your emotions are real.
And your truth is worth protecting.
Thank you for reading!
Visit https://www.danieldellano.com/cutting-bonds-with-the-narcissist
